The Stuff We Never Hear...About Becoming a Mom

Wow. Deep breath. Moms, are you okay?

We’ve experienced very unique times recently and for many, the Mom gig is harder now more than ever. Due to our own journey as mothers and hearing from our girlfriends and patients who are also mommas, we’re inspired to shine a light, offer a proverbial trophy and the biggest, supportive hug to all of our fellow mom’s, doing their thing, day in and day out. Let’s chat more about this whole motherhood thing…

Matrescence… ever heard of it?? It’s a term coined by Dana Raphael, medical anthropologist, in the 1970’s, to describe the complex experience of becoming a mom—the physical, hormonal and mental, emotional changes we go through on our way to motherhood.

For many of us, being a mom is something we have dreamed of, literally for years, dating all the way back to our own childhood. And even if we have some idea of the journey to get there, it’s a completely separate, and less-had conversation as to the automatic, 24/7 duties that fall into our laps (literally!) immediately after the body has gone through so very much. Perhaps this part isn’t discussed because it’s not always so dreamy.

The less than dreamy parts… You love being a Mom and yet it’s the hardest job you’ve ever had. You’re completely smitten with your child and yet you need a break. You are so happy to be home with your munchkin and you need to go somewhere, anywhere, by yourself. You want to raise the best little human possible but if you get asked for a snack one more time, you may explode. You really, really want to play but you also really, really would love to simply take a nap. The sound of your child reading swells your heart with huge pride and yet sometimes your ears need silence. You want to encourage self-play but if you have to manage one more meltdown, you may burst with anger. The sheer duality of motherhood is enough to make anyone question their sanity.

This is all normal. This is all okay. Really.

When we look towards the science behind the sheer demands placed on a woman’s body at the start of her menstrual cycle in early adolescence, through trying to conceive, pregnancy and then post-partum (which, by the way, is forever once you’ve had a baby), it is nothing short of a miraculous marathon that affects the landscape of a woman’s body, mind and spirit for the rest of her life.

Dr. Alexander Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist penned a beautiful article in Psychology Today called “Matrescence: The Developmental Transition to Motherhood” discussing matrescence, the need to have this word, and more importantly, its definition widely known. Because where it gets tricky is when women so often times wonder and stress about these experiences of duality within motherhood. We wonder if we have post-partum depression or a mood disorder. We wonder if we’re inadequate, unstable or even lazy. We question if we’re fit to be a mother, if we’re being ungrateful, and if we are unloving. Dr. Sacks’ hope is that if more women understood the natural progression of matrescence, they might feel less alone, they might feel less stigmatized, and that rates of postpartum depression may also decline.

We here at KaleBlossom love using our voice for positive awareness for women, and especially Moms. So how about this…What if we could agree to feel overwhelmed, while also giving ourselves grace for feeling that way? What if we were to allow ourselves alone time and to not feel Mom-guilt about it? What if we were able to have a bad day and know that tomorrow is a new day wherein we can try again? What if we gave ourselves permission to let our kids have a few more minutes of screen time if it means we get to do something we want to do? What if we allowed ourselves the full duality of motherhood?… with this comes that, (fill in the blank)… with the good comes the bad, with the happy comes the sad, with the pride comes the guilt, with the clean and tidy, comes the messy and disorganized. Because at the end of the day, it is all okay.

Whatever a day in the life of your mothering may hold, we are all united in our understanding that it’s so boldly beautiful and yet harder than hard. And everything in between. We hear you. We feel you. We support you. And you, fellow Mom, are a Rockstar!